Sick meme

So, I apologize that I haven’t been around this week. I’ve been sick.

I almost never get sick. Maybe once every five or six years. My secret is zinc lozenges. Getting the flu? Suck on a lozenge. Broken leg? Suck on a lozenge. But King Daddy came down with this cotton-headed, scratchy throat, hacking cough, gimpy tummy kind of thing and then he gave it to me. Love hurts.

Since I am unacquainted with proper sick etiquette, I don’t do it very well. So here’s a few things I learned this week that I’ll try to remember six years from now when I get sick again.

Food:

What sounds good in your head does not translate to your stomach. The first couple of days I just craved Chinese American. Take-out King Pao Chicken seemed like just the ticket. It was not. Dammit Boy made mac and cheese. That’s comforting, right? Never eat dairy when you feel like throwing up. Bad results. Inexplicably, I followed that up with a butter burger from Culver’s. See “never eat dairy.” Then a carry-out pizza. Never eat dairy. I’m a slow learner.

Also, make sure you’ve stocked the fridge if you feel a fever coming on. Not for you. For those boys who come home from work and just keep eating and eating and eating. I have developed a false sense of pride about never buying frozen entrees, mostly because they suck. So on the verge of sickness, making a couple casseroles is your new best friend at dinnertime. Not yours. Theirs. After a week, I am down to one Gladware container of poppy seed chicken.

When in doubt, remember your own mother. She knew best. As it turns out, Campbell’s tomato soup and dry toast fingers are just the thing. And they have been for more than 50 years. As I said, I’m a slow learner. And wine. It settles your stomach.

Entertainment:

Of course, there is no real entertainment unless you consider sinking into a set of infectious sheets and waiting for your next mad dash to the bathroom barrels of fun. But I relied heavily on Food Network to fill in those gaps in time.

I would say there are certain Food Network stars that stand the test of time, Ina Garten being at the top of the list. Do you realize that shows she shot in 2004 are still airing? And she still looks exactly the same? And I still want to be her every single day. Giada De Laurentiss does not wear so well. Hearing her speaking perfect English and then pronouncing words like “broosh-keh-tah” and “pro-shoot-eh” is annoying. And I can now tell when Guy Fieri really doesn’t like something on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Anything other than “through the roof,” “shut the door” or “winner, winner chicken dinner” is faint praise, indeed.

Regular household activities:

Well, the first thing to go is personal hygiene. Consumes way too much energy. Poor King Daddy. He’s seen all my worst moments. Cleaning the litter box. Poor Peanut. Doing the dishes. No, no, no. Cleaning? Forget about it. Laundry? I’m out of my regular underwear and am now relying on granny pants I shoved to the back of the drawer 10 years ago. There is no glamor in the sick bed. Or pride.

I am now on the road to recovery. Sort of. I went to the grocery store today. It was an hour-long trip and it totally took the wind out of me. I am now making dinner, but I’m doing it in small increments. Chop an onion. Lie down. Mince some garlic. Lie down. At this rate, it will take me 10 hours to finish. But finish I will. As I said, we’re down to one container of poppy seed chicken.




2 Comments

  1. Candy Gourlay
    March 14, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    Lordy! I almost had to make a dash for the bucket at the mention of granny pants. Then I remembered that pants meant something else in your parts. Get well at once! Love from London!

    • Catherine Mayhew
      Catherine MayhewReply
      March 15, 2015 at 2:55 pm

      Love from Brentwood. Thanks for the good wishes.

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