Bad, bad, bad (and a recipe for stuffing)
So the afternoon began with onion dip and potato chips. It went deliciously downhill from there. You will be appalled. I am, too. But I was a willing participant and I will now have to repent for 753 days. I am sorry, Jesus. I am truly sorry and I humbly repent.
The boy came home for Christmas break from college. He brought all his bad habits with him and he is trying to kill his mother. Or am I just committing suicide by a self-induced food coma? Noah could probably tell you. He’s smarter than me now.
It started with the Lipton Onion Dip and Kettle Fried Waffle Potato Chips. They’re a childhood memory for me. My sister and I used to eat onion dip and potato chips on Saturday mornings hiding in our bedroom closet. Louise and I would sneak downstairs and grab them out of the kitchen. My mother never knew. But that is possibly why my pediatrician put me on my first diet in third grade. No kidding.
Then I thought it would be a great idea to teach Noah how to make the Chapin stuffing. It’s a tradition he must carry on, including the two sticks of butter in the recipe. So we head to my beloved Publix for the ingredients. We pass the Velveeta Shells and Cheese on our way to the chicken stock. Dammit Boy. He grabs two boxes and winks at me. You had me at Velveeta. Of course it’s a perfect match for stuffing. I know immediately this is not going to end well.
So I teach him how to make the stuffing. This is a recipe that has been passed down for at least four generations. And I grill a couple of pork tenderloins because at least that will be something slightly virtuous on the plate. Noah makes the shells and cheese and then adds cream and sour cream. No, no, no. You’re killing me. How’s it taste?
So here’s the plate. This is so not like me. This is so…delicious! Stop it! I can’t. I pick dressing from the pan and when faced with putting the remaining Velveeta Shells and Cheese in a leftover container, I eat it right out of the pot.
I am so ashamed. So very, very ashamed. And so comatose injected with processed cheese food, sour cream and butter that I pour a glass of red wine for myself right into King Daddy’s coffee cup.
I know with every fiber of my being that dressing and macaroni and cheese are not meant to coexist on a plate. But they looked so beautiful together. Kind of like Brad and Angelina looking up at me. Gorgeous. But tasty.
We will not do this again. Ever. Until next time. When Noah and I speak of this – and we will – this may go down as one of the greatest food memories of my life. No apologies (I’m sorry!).
- 16 cups soft bread cubes, including crusts
- 1 cup diced onion
- 2 cups diced celery
- ½ cup chopped parsley
- 1 cup melted butter
- 2 cups chicken broth
- 2 teaspoons salt
- 2 teaspoons poultry seasoning
- 2 teaspoons crushed sage leaves
- ½ teaspoon pepper
- Put bread cubes in large bowl. Mix the diced onion, celery and parsley together in a separate bowl. Mix the salt, poultry seasoning, sage and pepper together in a small bowl. Add the seasonings to the vegetables and mix well. Add the melted butter to the bread cubes and distribute evenly. Add the chicken stock and then the vegetable/seasoning mixture.
- Spoon into a loaf pan and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until the top is nicely browned.