Chopped: The “Real” Story

Food Network Executive: Top Chef is killing us on Bravo. It’s making us look like a bunch of uninspired losers. We’ve got to figure out something to get ourselves back in the game.

Food Network Creative Guy: What about the Next Food Network Star? It’s kind of the same thing.

Executive: Kind of, but stupid and boring. And when’s the last time it actually produced a star?

Creative Guy: Well, you have me there. But what about Food Network Challenge? Aren’t you always on the edge of your seat to see who’s going to win $10,000 for the best sugar-spun beef kabob wedding cake thingie?

Executive: I’d be more on the edge of my seat if we weren’t rerunning episodes from 2005.

Creative Guy: And what about Guy’s show where home cooks compete for the top prize?

Executive: Lame, lame, lame. Guy pops into those kitchens to harrass those poor people every five seconds. He’s trying to create drama, but how much drama can he produce probing deeply for how done the penne is?

Creative Guy: Hey, what if we combine the three – a show where we steal the essence of Top Chef and let Ted Allen play the Guy role and give a $10,000 prize!

Executive: Wow! That’s brilliant! A completely new concept!

Creative Guy: The only thing we need is something new for Ted to say when the chefs are getting ready to start the competition. How about Ready, Set, Go!

Executive: No, that’s baby stuff.

Creative Guy: Let’s Get It On?

Executive: You’re a baby. Don’t you know that song?

Creative Guy: Is “Your Time Starts Now” copyrighted? Shit.

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